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This month started on a high. I was asked to present to a group of graduate teachers with regards to ADHD/ODD to help them understand the disorder and help with strategies that would work in their classrooms. It was apparently very well received and I got some nice feedback which suggested it had hit the mark and is potentially going to be a difference to children in the classes of the participants. I was even asked to return to do a longer more in depth one, and be part of the next Mental Health Network meeting for the area. Awesome really.

But reality has hit with the past few weeks of dealing with my own kids’ experiences in their school – an ongoing battle that I think has finally beaten me.
They’ve had PD, they’ve had a Principal come down hard and enforce some change, and as soon as she’s away, it all falls to mush, highlighting again that there is no desire to actually help, and that the strong judgments I was told existed against our family, are indeed true. We have made the decision to see this year out then shift schools. I am tired of fighting.

And this coupled with careless remarks from ‘friends’ indicating they don’t really understand and can’t support us in the way we need them to, has just left me broken.

I am overwhelmed with work – where my raison-d’etre is to support kids and their families who struggle like ours, cater as best I can for all my students (extending and supporting where needed) advocate for our students against the effects of funding cuts and just get through the normal chronic workload.

And overwhelmed at home, where though a few help out, no-one actually understands, and we in accepting the help have to tolerate the other stuff that comes with it.

I have a growing resentment of the fact that I work so hard for others’ children, and yet have so little being given back to mine.

And hearing the remarks and attitudes expressed this week from ‘friends’ have had to take a real step back and question the value of those relationships.

And I’m realising how very small the circle of loyalty, trust and compassion is. And it’s lonely.

Really lonely.